is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
