you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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