I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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