we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
