After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
