they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
