$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
