one two three fourrrrnication!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
