he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
