you would pick up someone in the library
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
