in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
