If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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