This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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