Its about making memories worth repressing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
