in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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