Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
