Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
