Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
