Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
