I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
