Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
