My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
