i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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