Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
