I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
farters have to be the big spoon...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
