five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
