the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
