do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
