that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
