I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
