you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
