ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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