i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Welp...herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
