i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
