There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
