Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
