I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
