WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
