ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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