I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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