I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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