dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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