Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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