Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
