DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
