my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
