I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
