Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
