ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
handjob tips. give me some.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
