i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
