i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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