i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
