I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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