Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
